An absolute CORKER of an episode, so much so that I hardly know where to begin…
I’ll start with Louise and Andy, a.k.a the most nauseating couple of all time – they are rapidly starting to bore me rigid. They spent the episode play fighting while painting Louise’s front room and skateboarding hand in hand, the sight of which irritated me an irrational amount. Not a fan of “couply” couples. Louise was still telling anyone that would listen (which is no-one) that she was the “happiest she’s ever been yah yah yah”, and Andy and his nostrils are still blatantly terrified of the maniac he’s found himself in a relationship with but, regardless of these two minor issues, they were falling in love with one another by the end of the episode and sharing a passionate kiss (with the camera crew just inches away. The romance!)
Elsewhere, we encountered Jamie and Spencer standing around in the middle of a suit shop in their pants which as Mark Francis pointed out, is not ok. At this point, I must make a confession to you, dear blog readers. This week, I agreed with Spencer, my nemesis, not once, but twice. On Lucy – “Lucy is very black and white; she’s the complete opposite to Louise,” followed by “…hand on heart, I feel sorry for Andy.” Both valid points. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that this has occurred and I hope that it will never happen, or be mentioned, again. To be fair, he later ruined this by saying that he feels funny and cool around her and unfortunately he’ll never be either of those things which made me feel better about it. Just had to get it off my chest though.
This episode, however, belonged to the magnificent Lucy Watson. From texting Andy asking him to tell Louise to “keep control of the crazy”, and saying to potential new flame Alex “I’m so single it’s disgusting”, she knows exactly what’s she’s doing, has a fabulous way with words, makes absolutely no bones about being evil whatsoever and has everyone eating out of the palm of her hand. She is GLORIOUS. This week saw her inexplicably moving in with Stevie and hosting a housewarming party to celebrate this, not in the house that was supposed to be being warmed, but in a bar that her father has just bought. As you do. She started proceedings off by letting Spencer make an absolute fool of himself by baring his soul and telling her how much he liked her only to inform him that she didn’t want to be with him. Just as Alex walked in. Crushed, Spencer left, quiff askew.
Later on at the shindig it turned out that Alex used to go out with Phoebe (who I cannot bear – faux cute – least favourite type of female) as we are, after all, in incestuous Chelsea. Neither Alex nor Lucy seemed particularly bothered. Phoebe, however, most definitely was, and called in the cavalry (Olivia) in an attempt to bring Lucy down a peg or not, forgetting that Watson is utterly unflappable and has probably never been intimidated by anyone in her life. Lucy let them both believe, for the tiniest nanosecond, that they were victorious, before musing why either had even been invited and showing them the door. A masterclass in understated evil.
We were left with a broken Spencer pouring his heart out to a slightly incredulous Jamie, saying that he likes having a girlfriend and that he really wants to be with Lucy. This is Spencer who at the start of the episode was “happy to be single.” He even came out with the classic shout of needing to get out of Chelsea for a while to sort his head out. Poor lamb. He has no idea he’s been Watsoned in a big, big way.
See you later Spenny indeed…his demise continues…
A Few More Things
As pointed out by my Glaswegian pal Louise (who is thankfully nothing like her namesake Miss Thompson) – when Louise speaks it sounds like this: “meep meep meep.” That is it. We’re tuning out the meeps, Louise. NO-ONE IS LISTENING.
I have realised why all the girls’ hair is so crap. London water. It makes the glossiest of locks look lank and greasy. They now have my sympathy.
Alex has a Scouse face.
It’s totally unfair that my dad has never bought me a bar.