All I Want For Christmas Is…

I would like to make clear at this point that I have no time whatsoever for people who are already beside themselves with excitement for the festive season. In fact, I am currently positively Scrooge-like. I’m discombobulated by how fast this year has gone and I’ve only just recovered from the aftermath of our Maria’s wedding. Therefore, I’ll be honest – the thought of Christmas is making me feel a bit tired.

I’m aware that I am in the minority with this attitude – indeed, my friend Lauren would already have her tree up and be sporting tinsel scrunchies and light-up snowmen earrings if not for the fact that her boyfriend is sensible and has vetoed this. (Side note – I know for a fact that aforementioned amiga will point to an ongoing tweet exchange that we’ve recently been enjoying about this year’s inaugural Christmas Jumper Pub Crawl Day as evidence that I am a liar, and that I am actually excited for Christmas – but to this I say the following: said event involves knitwear, and alcohol, which are two of my favourite things, and so are exempt from my current yuletide weariness.)

I have deemed that Saturday 14th December is the date when it’s acceptable for the world to embrace all things Christmassy with gusto (coincidentally, the date of the sure-to-be-infamous Christmas Jumper Pub Crawl!)

However, my love of list-making has, in this instance, triumphed, so for one (rather long and pointless, as it transpires) post only, I’m discussing Christmas.

Firstly, looking at this list compiled by the Guardian about this year’s must-have presents, I am glad that a.) I’m not a kid and b.) I’m not a parent. My sympathy lies with the former because, save for the Lego (I LOVE LEGO AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE LEGO) the choice is fairly underwhelming – where are the fuzzy felts and Tamagotchis? – and the latter because some of them are quite expensive considering you’re purchasing glorified faux computer tat. My favourite presents that I can recall from childhood were a Baywatch Barbie set, complete with dolphin; a doll called Judy that was subjected to the infamous Crilly fringe trim treatment (it didn’t go well, the unfortunate soul); and keyboard lessons, because I was a geek.

It’s got me thinking about what I would like for Christmas, apart from the usual peace on earth and goodwill to all men. Here are my lists:

What I would like for Christmas

A pet sloth (a request I make every birthday and Christmas. Alas, the closest I’ve got so far is a canvas bag with a picture of a sloth on.)

Justin Timberlake’s hand in marriage.

Tickets for Little Mix’s American tour (I’m dreaming big, mmmkay?)

One of these bad boys, which are outstanding.

eBay is a treasure trove of wonder, isn't it?

eBay is a treasure trove of wonder, isn’t it?

What I will actually get

A bag of goodies from Home and Bargain (cotton wool; chewing gum; Curly Wurlies; other things beginning with “c.”)

Drunk.

If this post has achieved anything at all, it’s that I can admit that my frosty outlook towards the festivities is thawing. 30 days until the fun can begin!